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Thursday, January 31, 2013
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
WHAT'S YOUR PURPOSE?
Hey there! ;0)
This week we had a post about De-Stressing Yourself With A Hobby, and my last post, I talked about My Passion and My Purpose.
Now, I pose the question, "What's your purpose?"
Do you know what your purpose in life is? If you do, are you living it?
The reason I pose these questions is because I have had SEVERAL conversations about purpose lately.
The other day, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to a young college student and she explained that she was feeling empty and lost. She wanted help finding herself, she didn't know how to do it, and she desperately wanted help. OH MY GOSH!!! Do you see how brilliant that is? It's brilliant because she is where many people get, usually when they are older.
Deep down inside she wanted to know her purpose in life. She knew that there was something missing. Do you feel like that?
How grateful I was to speak to her and how grateful I was to help her know that her soul was asking for direction to her purpose. After we discussed that very thing, she got it. How lucky she is to get something like that as such an early age.
Do you feel empty? Do you feel lost? Do you feel like you want to find yourself?
If the answer is yes to these questions, it is my humble opinion that you are looking for your purpose, or you know what it is and want to live it.
The conversation of 'my purpose' has been very commonplace with others and me for a long time but much more so lately, especially the last week.
So, if it is your desire to find and live your purpose, here is some questions you can ask yourself.
What would you do everyday if time and money were not an issue?
If you could be anybody, who would you be? Why would you be them? What is it about their life that is so appealing to you?
What are you naturally good at that you would love to do anytime if you could?
What would you love to learn to do?
Just some things to think about because I believe, with all my heart and soul, that if you find and live your purpose you will truly live a destressed life. If you live your passion and purpose, you will feel whole, and happy. If you live your passion and purpose, you will not drift through life feeling empty or lost.
If you want more ways to find your purpose, Google it. Google, "what is my purpose?"
And...
Turn to Heavenly Father in prayer. He loves you and promises to help you find it.
"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?" ~Luke 11:9-11
I KNOW THAT THIS IS SO!!! ;0)
Have a great week my friend!
Have fun! Be playful!
Love you lots and lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
PASSION AND PURPOSE!
Hello there. How are you doing this week so far? Great, I hope!
Did you happen to read the guest post, De-stress Yourself With A Hobby, by Lori Hutchinson from Masters in Teaching? If you didn't, you might want to read it. She talks about doing what makes you happy, how it gives you peace, and how it is a factor in stress management.
I love, love, love her article because I know, without a doubt, that living with happiness and peace is the opposite of stress, it is destressing yourself.
What I also know, without a doubt, is that if you find out what your purpose and passions are, you will live a magnificent life full of happiness, energy, vitality, and wholeness.
When I was very young, I knew that I loved, loved, loved to help people. That is my purpose and passion. As I got older, my helping people evolved. When I was younger, I always helped the underdog at school, the one who was always picked on. Because I had bigger brothers, no one would mess with me, and I took advantage of that by helping the person who got bullied.
As I worked as an EMT, I noticed that people in the Emergency Field were seriously unhappy, and unnecessarily angry. Many Fire Fighters, Nurses, Paramedics, Police Officers, and EMT's had horrible ways of handling their stress with anger, anxiety, and pure unkindness for others. This was so heart breaking because their behavior, to the normal person, was extremely extraordinarily abnormal but they couldn't see it.
When I first started to help the Emergency Personnel with crisis, it was a miracle. It was a miracle because they could find happiness amongst all of that crazy anger. That is how my passion and purpose evolved from helping the underdog to helping the hero go from crisis to calm.
Although I still get to help the hero, I also have the opportunity everyday to help the Father, Mother, Child, or Grandparent destress. I have the opportunity to help the teenager, or adult destress. My passion is destressing people, and my purpose is to destress the world ;0) (Just watch me now)!
As I live my passion and purpose, I see happiness all around, I feel energy for life everyday, and I have pure vitality for life. Sure, I have my stress, everybody does, but as we find what we love to do, and live it, we become less stressed.
What I am trying to add to Lori's article is, find out what you love to do, and if you already know what it is, start to participate in it. If you do that, I promise you that you will destress yourself.
What do you love to do?
What would you do everyday, if you could?
Do you know? If you do, are you doing it?
Just some things you can think about as you destress yourself.
"For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love, serve one another." ~Galatians 5:13
Whatever your purpose, whatever your passions, they are our gifts from God, and they are there so that we may use them to serve one another, not just ourselves.
I KNOW THAT THIS IS SO!!!
Have a super duper rest of the week!!!
Have fun! Be playful!
Love you lots and lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
;0)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
ABUNDANCE
THE ABC'S OF ABUNDANCE ;0)
If you love love, the way I love love, and if you found and lived your passion and purpose, everyday would be a weekend for you too. No lie!
Moving on ;0)
Just in case you missed my last three posts, I wanted to give you the links because they are the ABC's of abundance.
Attitude
Believing
Courage
A positive attitude gives us peace, which is the opposite of stress and it promotes greater energy for the individual. It takes energy to relieve stress and energy increases our self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, which will increase our feelings of abundance.
When we believe in ourselves we eliminate doubt, fear, and worry, which are stress inducers. Believing in ourselves allows us unlimited possibilities and a more abundant life.
When we have courage we can face our challenges and step out of our comfort zone. Challenges and stepping out of our comfort zone makes us or breaks us, and if we have courage, we can, and will, create an abundant life.
Here is to your Abundant Life... Today! Focus on;
A positive attitude.
Believing in yourself.
Having courage.
And if you are brave enough, focus on these attributes for the next thirty, or more, days.
Bug Hugs...
Have fun! Be playful!
Love you lots ;0)
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
COURAGE!
Did you know that my title is, 'Stress Specialist' or 'Destress Yourself Expert', but what I really would like my title to be is, 'Courage Expert/Specialist' because I love, love, love to encourage people. When I spend time encouraging people, the only thing I am doing is persuading them to be courageous.
When we have challenges, and we become stressed, we have doubt, fear, and worry. When we have doubt, fear, and worry, we start to think about the worst possible thing that could happen, and then we start to think about the steps we will have to take as we move towards what we think is the worst.
If we face our challenges with courage, instead of thinking about the worst thing that could happen, we shift our thoughts to the best possible outcome, and then make decisions and move towards what we think is, and would be, the best results. That is courage, my friend.
"Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently.
Said the American essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide on, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.”
There will be times when you will be frightened and discouraged. You may feel that you are defeated. The odds of obtaining victory may appear overwhelming. At times you may feel like David trying to fight Goliath. But remember—David did win!
Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.
Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” ~Taken from Thomas S. Monson's message, Living the Abundant Life
Have courage my friend! When the challenge comes, remind yourself, "Courage!" When you are required to step outside of your comfort zone to move ahead, and away from your stress, say it again, "Courage!"
"Arise; for this matter belongeth unto thee: we also will be with thee: be of good courage, and do it." ~Ezra 10:4
DO IT!
"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." ~Palm 27:14
"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord." ~Psalms 31:24
More things to think about so you can destress yourself.
Have a super duper week!!!
Have fun! Be playful
Love you lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts.
Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
DESTRESS YOURSELF BY BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
Today, I wanna talk a lil bout believing in yourself. What does believing in yourself have to do with destressing yourself? Excellent question!
Stress is caused by our doubt, fear, and worry. If we believe in ourselves, and others, our doubt, fear, and worry will turn into certainty, confidence, and faith. When we live with thoughts of certainty, confidence, and faith, we truly destress ourselves.
Believing in yourself, and others, is just a matter of being honest with yourself. If you search the evidence, you will find you are very successful thus far in your life. Therefore, you have great reason to be honest with yourself and have faith in yourself.
"Be honest with yourself, with others, and with your Heavenly Father. One who was not honest with God until it was too late was Cardinal Wolsey who, according to Shakespeare, spent a long life in service to three sovereigns and enjoyed wealth and power. Finally, he was shorn of his power and possessions by an impatient king. Cardinal Wolsey cried:
Had I but served my God with half the zeal
I served my king, He would not in mine age
Have left me naked to mine enemies.
Thomas Fuller, an English churchman and historian who lived in the 17th century, penned this truth: “He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.”
Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do.
Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities.
You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith." ~Taken from Thomas S. Monson's message, Living the Abundant Life
When we believe in ourselves we have faith, and we eliminate the doubt, which is a stress inducer fo sho!
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." ~Hebrew 11:1
"For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith" ~Galatians 5:5
"But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation." ~1 Thessalonians 5:8
Just a few more things you can think about to destress yourself.
Enjoy the rest of your week!!!
Have fun! Be playful
Love you lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
THE WORST CRITICAL INCIDENTS
Hey there. I have been involved with critical incidents for twenty years now because of my experience in the EMS, and for the last 13 years because of my education, experience, and expertise in CISM (Critical Incident Stress Managment). If you are in the Emergency Service, a common question that is probably posed to you is, "What is the worst thing you have ever seen?"
According to the Emergency Medical Field, the top ten worst, or Terrible Ten are...
1. Suicide of a colleague
2. Line of duty death
3. Serious line of duty injury
4. Disaster/MCI
5. Witnessed Police shooting and/or killing or wounding someone
6. Significant event with children
7. Relatives of known victims
8. Prolonged incident especially with loss
9. Excessive media interest
10.Any powerful and significant event deemed by the participant
According to the Law Enforcement Agencies the Terrible Ten are...
1. Line of duty death
2. Suicide of a colleague
3. Serious work related injury
4. Multi-casualty/disaster/terrorist event
5. Events with a high degree of threat to the organizations personnel
6. Significant events involving children
7. Events in which the victim is known to the organizations personnel
8. Events with excessive media interest
9. Events that are prolonged and end with a negative outcome
10. Any significant powerful, overwhelming event
This information is compiled via SOP's (Standard Operations Procedures) from several different agencies.
From my experience, and documentation, from the last 20 years, I have found to be the worst as follows...
1. Death of a coworker who was a very good friend.
2. Suicide of a coworker who was a very good friend.
3. Responding on a call to a coworker, which resulted in a death.
4. Very gruesome, multi-victim, high profile media case, with children involved.
5. Responding to a family member that resulted in death.
6. Responding to a coworker that involved serious illness, or injury.
7. Responding to a call involving an acquaintance that resulted in death.
8. Multi-victim death, high profile media case, with several witnesses to the call.
9. Traumatic death of a child similar to own child's age.
10.Serious line of duty injury.
Why do I say that these are the worst? It is because I have seen these incidents transpire personally, the majority of them I have done the actual intervention, and the worst is displayed by the lack of recovery by the individuals involved. This is just my personal experience and humble opinion.
Why do I post the Terrible Ten? It is because I have seen, and still see, others who have not recovered from these types of incidents, and I want people to know that recovery is possible. I know, with all my heart and soul, with out any doubt, that we can recover from these types of events.
If you do need recovery, what do you need recovery from? When people suffer from critical incidents that affect them, they suffer from primarily emotional disarray like anger, anxiety, apprehension, depression, grief, guilt, irritability, panic, or moodiness. They also suffer from cognitive disharmony like denial, difficulty making decisions, difficulty solving problems, disturbed thoughts, hyper-alertness, intrusive images, lack of faith in life, others, and oneself, lack of the ability to focus, memory loss, nightmares, or poor concentration. Finally, they suffer from behavioral disorganization like avoidance, blaming, decrease/increase in appetite, decrease/increase in sleeping patterns, difficulty articulating, increase in alcohol/caffeine/drugs use/nicotine use, outburst, poor hygiene, restlessness, or withdrawal.
If you suffer from any of these difficulties, there is recovery. What is recovery? It is the act of returning to normal, or better yet, returning to yourself.
These signs and symptoms are not who you are! When you overcome, or recover, from unhealthy reactions that are manifesting in your life, you destress yourself.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can. elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Some things to think about.
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
According to the Emergency Medical Field, the top ten worst, or Terrible Ten are...
1. Suicide of a colleague
2. Line of duty death
3. Serious line of duty injury
4. Disaster/MCI
5. Witnessed Police shooting and/or killing or wounding someone
6. Significant event with children
7. Relatives of known victims
8. Prolonged incident especially with loss
9. Excessive media interest
10.Any powerful and significant event deemed by the participant
According to the Law Enforcement Agencies the Terrible Ten are...
1. Line of duty death
2. Suicide of a colleague
3. Serious work related injury
4. Multi-casualty/disaster/terrorist event
5. Events with a high degree of threat to the organizations personnel
6. Significant events involving children
7. Events in which the victim is known to the organizations personnel
8. Events with excessive media interest
9. Events that are prolonged and end with a negative outcome
10. Any significant powerful, overwhelming event
This information is compiled via SOP's (Standard Operations Procedures) from several different agencies.
From my experience, and documentation, from the last 20 years, I have found to be the worst as follows...
1. Death of a coworker who was a very good friend.
2. Suicide of a coworker who was a very good friend.
3. Responding on a call to a coworker, which resulted in a death.
4. Very gruesome, multi-victim, high profile media case, with children involved.
5. Responding to a family member that resulted in death.
6. Responding to a coworker that involved serious illness, or injury.
7. Responding to a call involving an acquaintance that resulted in death.
8. Multi-victim death, high profile media case, with several witnesses to the call.
9. Traumatic death of a child similar to own child's age.
10.Serious line of duty injury.
Why do I say that these are the worst? It is because I have seen these incidents transpire personally, the majority of them I have done the actual intervention, and the worst is displayed by the lack of recovery by the individuals involved. This is just my personal experience and humble opinion.
Why do I post the Terrible Ten? It is because I have seen, and still see, others who have not recovered from these types of incidents, and I want people to know that recovery is possible. I know, with all my heart and soul, with out any doubt, that we can recover from these types of events.
If you do need recovery, what do you need recovery from? When people suffer from critical incidents that affect them, they suffer from primarily emotional disarray like anger, anxiety, apprehension, depression, grief, guilt, irritability, panic, or moodiness. They also suffer from cognitive disharmony like denial, difficulty making decisions, difficulty solving problems, disturbed thoughts, hyper-alertness, intrusive images, lack of faith in life, others, and oneself, lack of the ability to focus, memory loss, nightmares, or poor concentration. Finally, they suffer from behavioral disorganization like avoidance, blaming, decrease/increase in appetite, decrease/increase in sleeping patterns, difficulty articulating, increase in alcohol/caffeine/drugs use/nicotine use, outburst, poor hygiene, restlessness, or withdrawal.
If you suffer from any of these difficulties, there is recovery. What is recovery? It is the act of returning to normal, or better yet, returning to yourself.
These signs and symptoms are not who you are! When you overcome, or recover, from unhealthy reactions that are manifesting in your life, you destress yourself.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can. elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Some things to think about.
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I'M READY TO TALK!
Hello my fellow emergency worker. How are you this wonderful wonderful day? I am super duper, the weather is great, the family is healthy, and I am happy.
Well, I am ready to talk. I have been in the Emergency field for 20 years now and I got some serious stories. Stories as a young EMT, stories as an FTO (Field Training Officer), stories as a 911 Operations Supervisor, stories as a CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Peer Counselor, and stories as the CISM Coordinator for the Southern Pacific Region of the largest ambulance company in the United States.
Maybe you have noticed, I have only shared a few personal stories like 'MY FIRST TRAUMA AS AN EMT', 'MY CRITICAL INCIDENT AS AN EMT', and I discussed my very first psycho partner in the post, 'EMT STRESS FROM YOUR PARTNER'. The reason I haven't wrote about my personal experiences so much is because I am very very reluctant. I have a lot in my head, and I know that it affects me daily because I specialize in stress. When you specialize in stress, you learn to relax, and that relaxed state provides a quiet mind, and a very aware mind of what you are thinking.
Boy do I have memories! As I was meditating, I realized that I need to get these stories out of my head and onto paper, blog in this case. I believe that it will be therapeutic for me, and I believe it could really help some of you out there who are having stress. So, I wanna talk.
When I first started as an EMT, I worked at what everyone thought was a very prestigious company. I was very honored to work there because many of my friends tried to apply, they couldn't get in, and I did. It was a solemn declaration that I was very fortunate.
At the time I was hired, there weren't any other females. Within my first three to six months, I was sexually harassed, physically threatened, and verbally hazed. Because I am an advocate for not taking any BS, and I grew up with all brothers who instilled in my mind to defend myself, there were a couple of people who suffered their own consequences by loosing their job. This was not a very good way to begin my career and I was affected by it for the next couple of years. Meaning, life was not easy with some individuals. But, I survived! MWA HA HA! ;0)
There were a few individuals who were very kind to me. Some knew what was going on, and they went out of their way to make me feel welcome at work.
Pretty crazy, eh? All of this 'stuff' I went through really enhanced my B*tch qualities.
Looking back, what I learned is, I am one tough cookie who could handle a whole lotta lotta. We are talking about working in a not so easy environment sometimes. Although I was on an ambulance with a partner, who may have been really cool, depending on who it was, I still had to go to the stations and accept the way I would be received.
I am so very grateful for this experience because it taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I could go through the appropriate channels, although it did not sit well with some supervisors, and get results when dealing with inappropriate behavior. It taught me that not only do we have stress running calls on a busy day, but we also have a lot of stress in the work environment. It taught me the beginning steps, and gave me glimpses on how to handle stress in the work place. It also taught me to help others who had similar situations.
What I wish I would have done differently? I wish I would have been less angry, and I wish I had not been such a B*tch at this time in my life.
How could I have done it differently? I could have learned to not let things get to me so easily, and I could have learned to manage my anger better. If I was more easy going and less angry, I would have enjoyed me more, I would have had better quality relationships, and I wouldn't have gotten so burned out so easily.
Anger and unkindness, towards yourself and others, is a very big part of burnout.
For all of you out there who are having a hard time because of your environment at work, there is a better way. There is a way that we can not let others get to us, and there is a way that we can enjoy life even though others are so unkind they are making our surroundings unpleasant.
One of the most important things is to work on your own way of reacting. We can react in better ways, we can overcome anger, and we can overcome unkindness. When people are being unkind, we don't like it, and so why would we be unkind in turn? Wouldn't that make us just like them? That would be becoming what we don't like, right?
We can become more understanding to people's crazy crazy inappropriate behavior, recognize that they are inappropriate, and approach them with professional appropriate communication. Never alone, by the way. Always have a witness who is aware of the situation.
The first step to any conflict is to discuss it with the person. If that doesn't work, you go through the appropriate channels. Many of you will say, or think, ya right! That's not how things are done, we do not snitch. Ya well, if you don't take care of it others may not ever become aware, and the behavior may never stop.
Lastly, one of life's greatest lessons is, learn to not let people get to you. Now I am not talking about holding it in and festering with anger, and not showing it. I am talking about knowing that their behavior has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with their ability, or inability rather, to be appropriate and professional. They are just not smart enough to know how to treat people right? I was guilty of that by being a B. Get it?
No longer do I let people get to me. Well, maybe sometimes for a minute or so, but then I am over it.
You can do this as well! I know you can! You got the power within you!
By not letting people get to you is how you destress yourself. You do not destress yourself by changing the other person or controlling their behavior, all be it bad behavior. You destress yourself by changing and mastering your thoughts, feelings, and actions. That is the school of life, getting better and better at mastering your self-confidence, your happiness, and your success.
Hopefully, my story has helped you. If it has or you have a comment or question please post a comment below.
Stay tuned for more of my self therapy with stories. Be advised, they may get a little gruesome at times. Oh, your in the EMS, you enjoy that ;0)
Have a great day! Big Hugs!
Elizabeth
email me, elizabethstanfill@gmail.com, I would love to hear from you and help you anyway I can.
Well, I am ready to talk. I have been in the Emergency field for 20 years now and I got some serious stories. Stories as a young EMT, stories as an FTO (Field Training Officer), stories as a 911 Operations Supervisor, stories as a CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Peer Counselor, and stories as the CISM Coordinator for the Southern Pacific Region of the largest ambulance company in the United States.
Maybe you have noticed, I have only shared a few personal stories like 'MY FIRST TRAUMA AS AN EMT', 'MY CRITICAL INCIDENT AS AN EMT', and I discussed my very first psycho partner in the post, 'EMT STRESS FROM YOUR PARTNER'. The reason I haven't wrote about my personal experiences so much is because I am very very reluctant. I have a lot in my head, and I know that it affects me daily because I specialize in stress. When you specialize in stress, you learn to relax, and that relaxed state provides a quiet mind, and a very aware mind of what you are thinking.
Boy do I have memories! As I was meditating, I realized that I need to get these stories out of my head and onto paper, blog in this case. I believe that it will be therapeutic for me, and I believe it could really help some of you out there who are having stress. So, I wanna talk.
When I first started as an EMT, I worked at what everyone thought was a very prestigious company. I was very honored to work there because many of my friends tried to apply, they couldn't get in, and I did. It was a solemn declaration that I was very fortunate.
At the time I was hired, there weren't any other females. Within my first three to six months, I was sexually harassed, physically threatened, and verbally hazed. Because I am an advocate for not taking any BS, and I grew up with all brothers who instilled in my mind to defend myself, there were a couple of people who suffered their own consequences by loosing their job. This was not a very good way to begin my career and I was affected by it for the next couple of years. Meaning, life was not easy with some individuals. But, I survived! MWA HA HA! ;0)
There were a few individuals who were very kind to me. Some knew what was going on, and they went out of their way to make me feel welcome at work.
Pretty crazy, eh? All of this 'stuff' I went through really enhanced my B*tch qualities.
Looking back, what I learned is, I am one tough cookie who could handle a whole lotta lotta. We are talking about working in a not so easy environment sometimes. Although I was on an ambulance with a partner, who may have been really cool, depending on who it was, I still had to go to the stations and accept the way I would be received.
I am so very grateful for this experience because it taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I could go through the appropriate channels, although it did not sit well with some supervisors, and get results when dealing with inappropriate behavior. It taught me that not only do we have stress running calls on a busy day, but we also have a lot of stress in the work environment. It taught me the beginning steps, and gave me glimpses on how to handle stress in the work place. It also taught me to help others who had similar situations.
What I wish I would have done differently? I wish I would have been less angry, and I wish I had not been such a B*tch at this time in my life.
How could I have done it differently? I could have learned to not let things get to me so easily, and I could have learned to manage my anger better. If I was more easy going and less angry, I would have enjoyed me more, I would have had better quality relationships, and I wouldn't have gotten so burned out so easily.
Anger and unkindness, towards yourself and others, is a very big part of burnout.
For all of you out there who are having a hard time because of your environment at work, there is a better way. There is a way that we can not let others get to us, and there is a way that we can enjoy life even though others are so unkind they are making our surroundings unpleasant.
One of the most important things is to work on your own way of reacting. We can react in better ways, we can overcome anger, and we can overcome unkindness. When people are being unkind, we don't like it, and so why would we be unkind in turn? Wouldn't that make us just like them? That would be becoming what we don't like, right?
We can become more understanding to people's crazy crazy inappropriate behavior, recognize that they are inappropriate, and approach them with professional appropriate communication. Never alone, by the way. Always have a witness who is aware of the situation.
The first step to any conflict is to discuss it with the person. If that doesn't work, you go through the appropriate channels. Many of you will say, or think, ya right! That's not how things are done, we do not snitch. Ya well, if you don't take care of it others may not ever become aware, and the behavior may never stop.
Lastly, one of life's greatest lessons is, learn to not let people get to you. Now I am not talking about holding it in and festering with anger, and not showing it. I am talking about knowing that their behavior has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with their ability, or inability rather, to be appropriate and professional. They are just not smart enough to know how to treat people right? I was guilty of that by being a B. Get it?
No longer do I let people get to me. Well, maybe sometimes for a minute or so, but then I am over it.
You can do this as well! I know you can! You got the power within you!
By not letting people get to you is how you destress yourself. You do not destress yourself by changing the other person or controlling their behavior, all be it bad behavior. You destress yourself by changing and mastering your thoughts, feelings, and actions. That is the school of life, getting better and better at mastering your self-confidence, your happiness, and your success.
Hopefully, my story has helped you. If it has or you have a comment or question please post a comment below.
Stay tuned for more of my self therapy with stories. Be advised, they may get a little gruesome at times. Oh, your in the EMS, you enjoy that ;0)
Have a great day! Big Hugs!
Elizabeth
email me, elizabethstanfill@gmail.com, I would love to hear from you and help you anyway I can.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
STRESS
Never was I able to measure the level of stress, or even gauge the level of stress, that has been among others until I started blogging. My blogging began in 2006, and then seriously in 2007. It wasn't until 2009 that I was able to measure how many visitors I had in a day, week, or month. The measurements were only monthly before then.
All this babbling is about stress out there in the world. What I mean is, in the summer of 2009, I had about 500 to 600 readers a month. In the winter the readers more than doubled, and that just so happens to be my busiest time of the year, destressing people. By 2010 summer, I had in a week, what I had in followers in a month from 2009 winter. In the 2010 winter, it doubled, then went back down by the end of April.
By 2011, in the summer, my visitors doubled to what I was experiencing in the busy months of the winter, and the emails doubled as well. By the winter of 2011, I was experiencing crazy, crazy amounts of readers daily.
What I am trying to explain in all of this blah blah is, I believe because of the number of visitors, and contacts I am experiencing, stress is increasing out there in the world. For a minute there, I thought things were getting better, over the holidays, because my stats dropped from December 24, 2011 to January 2, 2012, to what was high stats in the 2011 summer. But, by January 8, 2012, things got back to all time highs again.
By January 14, 2012, my post How To Destress Your Deepest Moments of Despair, was viewed 1000 times. What this means to me is, there are plenty of people out there in their deepest moments of despair.
There was a time when I responded to Critical Incidents, and taught stress prevention, intervention, and direction only to the Emergency Personnel, which included EMT's, Firefighters, Paramedics, and Police Officers. Then it expanded to Management and Administrators.
I can remember my first one on one clients that were not in the Emergency Field, they included men, who were business owners. Many of them were sent to me by their wives, and the common reaction was, "My wife sent me to see you because if I don't get a handle on my stress then she will divorce me." No lie!
Then I started teaching all kinds of individuals stress relief.
Most recently, my contacts have been people who have lost their jobs, homes, and sometimes everything they have, and sometimes even a family member.
When October & November 2011 came around, I had an unusual amount of teenagers come to me due to pressures usually at home, but not entirely.
Is the economy in America getting better? Is the economy in the World getting better? That is hard to say, but from my stand point, a whole lotta people are trying to relieve stress, that's fo sho!
This time of the year is the best time for you, and me, to relieve our stress because it is the New Year, and we can be motivated to start a new.
When people are stressed, it is caused by doubt, fear, and worry about their circumstances. When people are really stressed, they tend to focus on the worst possible outcome. They think about the worst thing that could happen, over and over, in their mind. This causes a whole lotta stress.
One of the best things we can do, when we think about the worst over and over again, is write down what we want, what we really want. Write down the best possible outcome you could have in your situation, make them goals, and focus on them. Focus on them by reading your written list everyday, and making a to do list to move forward on it. This will destress you by building faith in yourself, and making you focus on the best instead of worst.
Another great thing we can do is learn the relaxation response. The relaxation response will provide a way for you to create a habit of relaxing any time, and any where. It is a habit we can develop to replace the stress habit. When we are stressed, the stress response is activated, and if we have a wonderful habit of activating the relaxation response it can, and will, provide a place, in our mind and body, to feel safe and relaxed.
If we focus on the best possible outcome, and remain relaxed, the burden of our stress is lightened and we can easily overcome our stress, no matter what we are going through.
A great affirmation for when you have stress, you are focusing on the best outcome, and you practice the relaxation response is, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." ~Philippians 4:13
Affirmations are just reminders, and this reminder, if you say it to yourself over and over again, will build your faith, and help you succeed. So memorize it, and say it often, especially when you feel stressed.
That's all I got. You are doing great! Keep up the excellent work! Have fun! Be playful!
Love you lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
All this babbling is about stress out there in the world. What I mean is, in the summer of 2009, I had about 500 to 600 readers a month. In the winter the readers more than doubled, and that just so happens to be my busiest time of the year, destressing people. By 2010 summer, I had in a week, what I had in followers in a month from 2009 winter. In the 2010 winter, it doubled, then went back down by the end of April.
By 2011, in the summer, my visitors doubled to what I was experiencing in the busy months of the winter, and the emails doubled as well. By the winter of 2011, I was experiencing crazy, crazy amounts of readers daily.
What I am trying to explain in all of this blah blah is, I believe because of the number of visitors, and contacts I am experiencing, stress is increasing out there in the world. For a minute there, I thought things were getting better, over the holidays, because my stats dropped from December 24, 2011 to January 2, 2012, to what was high stats in the 2011 summer. But, by January 8, 2012, things got back to all time highs again.
By January 14, 2012, my post How To Destress Your Deepest Moments of Despair, was viewed 1000 times. What this means to me is, there are plenty of people out there in their deepest moments of despair.
There was a time when I responded to Critical Incidents, and taught stress prevention, intervention, and direction only to the Emergency Personnel, which included EMT's, Firefighters, Paramedics, and Police Officers. Then it expanded to Management and Administrators.
I can remember my first one on one clients that were not in the Emergency Field, they included men, who were business owners. Many of them were sent to me by their wives, and the common reaction was, "My wife sent me to see you because if I don't get a handle on my stress then she will divorce me." No lie!
Then I started teaching all kinds of individuals stress relief.
Most recently, my contacts have been people who have lost their jobs, homes, and sometimes everything they have, and sometimes even a family member.
When October & November 2011 came around, I had an unusual amount of teenagers come to me due to pressures usually at home, but not entirely.
Is the economy in America getting better? Is the economy in the World getting better? That is hard to say, but from my stand point, a whole lotta people are trying to relieve stress, that's fo sho!
This time of the year is the best time for you, and me, to relieve our stress because it is the New Year, and we can be motivated to start a new.
When people are stressed, it is caused by doubt, fear, and worry about their circumstances. When people are really stressed, they tend to focus on the worst possible outcome. They think about the worst thing that could happen, over and over, in their mind. This causes a whole lotta stress.
One of the best things we can do, when we think about the worst over and over again, is write down what we want, what we really want. Write down the best possible outcome you could have in your situation, make them goals, and focus on them. Focus on them by reading your written list everyday, and making a to do list to move forward on it. This will destress you by building faith in yourself, and making you focus on the best instead of worst.
Another great thing we can do is learn the relaxation response. The relaxation response will provide a way for you to create a habit of relaxing any time, and any where. It is a habit we can develop to replace the stress habit. When we are stressed, the stress response is activated, and if we have a wonderful habit of activating the relaxation response it can, and will, provide a place, in our mind and body, to feel safe and relaxed.
If we focus on the best possible outcome, and remain relaxed, the burden of our stress is lightened and we can easily overcome our stress, no matter what we are going through.
A great affirmation for when you have stress, you are focusing on the best outcome, and you practice the relaxation response is, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." ~Philippians 4:13
Affirmations are just reminders, and this reminder, if you say it to yourself over and over again, will build your faith, and help you succeed. So memorize it, and say it often, especially when you feel stressed.
That's all I got. You are doing great! Keep up the excellent work! Have fun! Be playful!
Love you lots ;0)
BIG HUGS...
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
;0)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
MY OWN STANDARDS
Hello there. How's it going? Did you have a most magnificent weekend? I sho did ;0) Once again, I fell in love. Matter of fact, I fell in love a few times. Dang, I love that, falling in love. I love love. Okay, okay, enough about love, again, but you know I can't help it.
Got a scripture for you.
Matthew 7:3 says, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beem in thine own eye?"
This scripture means, to me, why are you judging, or trying to fix someone else when you could be judged for what you do, or when you got a whole lotta fixen to do in yourself?
Mote means a chip or splinter, and a beem is something big that they use in constructing a house or building. Therefore, whatever you are judging in someone else is much smaller than what you could be judged for.
This, my friend is great advice. Whenever I feel like I want to give someone advice (like in my blog for instance), I know there are at least two things going on for me. First, I am looking at what I think needs to be fixed in someone else, meaning I am being critical. Second, I need to give that advice to myself, which means, living up to my own standards. Practice what I preach! You know what I mean?
When I want to fix someone else, I am looking at their imperfection, rather than looking at their assets. "Guess what?" I say to myself, "We are all imperfect Elizabeth."
A very stressful habit is focusing on peoples' imperfections. It is a habit of being critical, when we could just as easily be complimenting. If we are critical, it shows the mood of our mind. If the mood of our mind is critical of others, you can bet it is critical of ourselves. When we are critical of ourselves, we tend to have a very low self-confidence which produces doubt. Any kind of doubt, fear, or worry will create stress.
You know, and I know, we can be our own worst enemies by being critical of, or having doubt in ourselves. All the decisions we make in this life are based on doubt or certainty. If we make decisions based on doubt, we miss out on some seriously spectacular goods. If we make decisions on certainty, we achieve, advance, gain, and obtain.
How did being critical become a habit? Well, I'll tell you. Most likely, when we were younger, and as we grew up, we could have done a thousand things right all day long with not a word said, and yet, when we did one thing wrong, we were criticized, and then corrected. So, other peoples' habits became ours.
The best thing I can do, when I write a blog post, or help an individual is, take my own advice, and live up to my own standards.
Do I take my own advice? I sho do! Eh-em, most of the time.
Do I live up to my own standards? I sho do try, but like I say, to myself, "Nobody is perfect Elizabeth."
One of the things I love to do the mostest is, I love, love, love to encourage people. Even though I am a Destress Yourself Specialist, I would love my title to be a Courage Specialist. And because I love to encourage others, I spend a lot of time encouraging myself. I am my own cheerleader.
"You can do it Elizabeth!" I say to myself.
Encouraging and complimenting others is much better than criticizing or trying to fix them. Taking my own advice, that I want to give to others, and encouraging myself is much better than criticizing. Truly, just a simple choice, don't you think?
This week, and if I am brave enough, for the weeks to come, I will live up to my own standards by taking my own advice. Whatever advice I am about to give, I will hush up and give it to myself, in my head of course. I will focus on peoples' abundance and I will compliment and encourage them. I will look at my abundance, and I will compliment and encourage myself more.
Sounds like a great way to destress myself, wouldn't you agree?
Hope you have a glorious week. You can do it! LOL! You are glorious!
How am I doing so far?
Have fun! Be playful! And, speak soon!
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
:D
Got a scripture for you.
Matthew 7:3 says, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beem in thine own eye?"
This scripture means, to me, why are you judging, or trying to fix someone else when you could be judged for what you do, or when you got a whole lotta fixen to do in yourself?
Mote means a chip or splinter, and a beem is something big that they use in constructing a house or building. Therefore, whatever you are judging in someone else is much smaller than what you could be judged for.
This, my friend is great advice. Whenever I feel like I want to give someone advice (like in my blog for instance), I know there are at least two things going on for me. First, I am looking at what I think needs to be fixed in someone else, meaning I am being critical. Second, I need to give that advice to myself, which means, living up to my own standards. Practice what I preach! You know what I mean?
When I want to fix someone else, I am looking at their imperfection, rather than looking at their assets. "Guess what?" I say to myself, "We are all imperfect Elizabeth."
A very stressful habit is focusing on peoples' imperfections. It is a habit of being critical, when we could just as easily be complimenting. If we are critical, it shows the mood of our mind. If the mood of our mind is critical of others, you can bet it is critical of ourselves. When we are critical of ourselves, we tend to have a very low self-confidence which produces doubt. Any kind of doubt, fear, or worry will create stress.
You know, and I know, we can be our own worst enemies by being critical of, or having doubt in ourselves. All the decisions we make in this life are based on doubt or certainty. If we make decisions based on doubt, we miss out on some seriously spectacular goods. If we make decisions on certainty, we achieve, advance, gain, and obtain.
How did being critical become a habit? Well, I'll tell you. Most likely, when we were younger, and as we grew up, we could have done a thousand things right all day long with not a word said, and yet, when we did one thing wrong, we were criticized, and then corrected. So, other peoples' habits became ours.
The best thing I can do, when I write a blog post, or help an individual is, take my own advice, and live up to my own standards.
Do I take my own advice? I sho do! Eh-em, most of the time.
Do I live up to my own standards? I sho do try, but like I say, to myself, "Nobody is perfect Elizabeth."
One of the things I love to do the mostest is, I love, love, love to encourage people. Even though I am a Destress Yourself Specialist, I would love my title to be a Courage Specialist. And because I love to encourage others, I spend a lot of time encouraging myself. I am my own cheerleader.
"You can do it Elizabeth!" I say to myself.
Encouraging and complimenting others is much better than criticizing or trying to fix them. Taking my own advice, that I want to give to others, and encouraging myself is much better than criticizing. Truly, just a simple choice, don't you think?
This week, and if I am brave enough, for the weeks to come, I will live up to my own standards by taking my own advice. Whatever advice I am about to give, I will hush up and give it to myself, in my head of course. I will focus on peoples' abundance and I will compliment and encourage them. I will look at my abundance, and I will compliment and encourage myself more.
Sounds like a great way to destress myself, wouldn't you agree?
Hope you have a glorious week. You can do it! LOL! You are glorious!
How am I doing so far?
Have fun! Be playful! And, speak soon!
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
:D
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
HAVE FAITH IN YOUR DREAMS!
Hello there!So far, I am doing really good on my New Year Resolutions. How bout you?
My resolutions are...
To be healthier and to serve more people in more ways. That's it!
Although, there is a huge list of things I have to do, and want to do, that goes under each of those goals. My goals are very specific, and so I have a lot of work to do.
One thing I know for sure is, I may have a set back or I may mess up a little but you know what? That is totally okay in my head. That sounds funny. Anyway, what I mean is, I will not give up if I have a set back or if I mess up a little, or a lot.
My mantras for my goals are, "I can do this! I have faith that I can do these things. I will not give up."
I am so focused, it is magnificent, in my head. ;0)
Do you have your goals? How are you doing? Do you have faith that you can accomplish your goals? Do you have the mindset that you WILL NOT give up?
In Hebrews 11:1, it says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
Now is the time, more than ever, to have faith in yourself, and your goals. Now is the time, more than ever, to hope for the things that you want that have not yet come to pass. Now is the time, more than ever, especially if you want a better you and a better year, to be focused more than ever.
You can do it my friend.
You can do this!
Have faith!
Never give up!
Say it with me now, "I can do this! I have faith I can do these things! I will not give up!"
Have a great week. Have fun and be playful too ;0)
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
If you need help, email me, I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
WHY I AM NOT A THERAPIST!
Hello there. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Am gonna keep saying that for the whole month.
As we embark on our New Year and become New again, I would like to talk a lil about myself. How vein! I know. ~giggle
I love to serve, I love to help, and I love to show people their greatest potential especially when they have never seen it. I love to bring people from crisis to calm, I love to help people overcome burnout and create happiness, energy, and vitality, and I love to assist people in discovering how to eliminate their stress with permanent stress relief.
I do not love therapists and I do not have a whole lotta confidence in the therapy process.
There are several reasons why I am not a therapist and why I am not a lover of the therapy. It all began back when I was getting my Masters in Counseling at the Uni. As I was completing my Masters Program, I was lucky enough to participate in an internship at the Counseling Center at the Uni, and this is what I discovered...
Most people who go to counseling, in my experience, do not want to help themselves. There are about one in ten that will not take the victim stance and really focus on improving their situation. That is only 10%. In addition, I believe with all my heart and soul, that people who go to Counseling are having a hard time with life because they just never learned how to handle the stress of life. No one taught them how to relieve their stress, and so they get in a place of trouble.
About the victim stance. What I mean by this is, when someone is having a hard time with life but won't look at themselves and their personal challenges. They tend to blame others and life for their misfortune. They sometimes get so caught up in their anger, anxiety, and/or depression they cannot, and will not believe they can do anything about it because they believe it is the fault of others, and the faulty world they live in.
Another reason for my reasons is most students who want to become Therapists are really unsound themselves. It is my humble opinion, and experience, that the students that I knew in school had their own issues to deal with, were still quite adolescent, and usually didn't like themselves or their clients. How can you help your clients if you are troubled and you don't even like your clients?
Another reason for my reasons is, most teachers that are teaching people to be Therapists are dubious and perplexed. Now this again is only my opinion. The sad part about all of this is I use to look up to Professors and thought they were brilliant until I really got to know some of mine during my Masters. OUCH! Harsh, I know.
Another reason, most Therapists are unbalanced. Again, my opinion. As a student in the Counseling Program, I had to participate in my own counseling for 30 hours. Lord have mercy, it was not an easy task to find one that didn't have issues. The really good ones, that were referred, were all booked up, and weren't available for the entire year.
Searching for my own therapist took about thirteen tries. When I would call the Therapist to make an appointment, I had certain questions that I would ask to make sure they would meet my criteria. The majority of them got offended or became arrogant like, "How dare you ask me that." Crazy, huh?
To me, arrogance is ignorance, and getting offended when someone asks you a question is quite adolescent. It is totally appropriate and professional to ask questions, it is called communicating.
One last thing. The Uni neglected to tell me, and I failed to find out, that a Therapist makes thousands of dollars less than I was already making. All though this is a disappointment, totally my fault, money is not the factor in my decision on helping people, it is a good side note though.
Now, I am not a Therapist just because of the lack of money, I am not a Therapist mostly because I really want to serve and I really want to help people. If people who come to therapy need ways to relieve stress but don't really want help, I don't see how I can accomplish my mission. When I am financially strapped, I don't necessarily see how I can progress and help others either.
This is all my choice, and my opinion. No offense to the good Therapists out there. You know who you are.
MY DISCLAIMER... I do believe that there are good therapists out there, and I do believe that therapy can help, it's just not for me, and the above statement is just me utilizing my freedom of expression of my opinion.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to know a lot about me and because what I do is not therapy, it is education.
Moreover, maybe you need help with your situation and I want you to see, if you are having a hard time with life, it may just be that you haven't mastered the art of stress relief. When you are in the Emergency Field, you can see things that are so abnormally out of the ordinary, your mind may have a very difficult time dealing with, and enduring it.
Additionally, many people who come to me for help take the victim stance, in that they believe that they cannot do anything about their situation because of others' behaviors, and how horrible life is. If that is true for you, you must know, there are thousands of people that I know of, and probably millions out there, who are doing business with some serious stress and are learning to destress themselves by looking at their own thoughts, feelings, and actions and trading them for more successful ones.
Their are a couple of people that call or text me, now and again, who take the victim stance, and for the life of me, I want to help them but, like addicted individuals, you can't help someone if they won't let you. They want their external circumstances to change, and will not change themselves within. They want to call me and wallow in their misery, instead of doing something about it. They know everything, they are unwilling to listen to anyone else and their point of view, and they don't want to do anything for their self-improvement.
Sounds like I am complaining. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not but, what I say is all true, in my opinion ;0) Being the victim is not bad, it is quite normal, because we all do it, just some do it more than others. We all do the victim dance in certain circumstances. I am like that on certain things, and I was one of the worst victims in my past. Some how, some way, I saw the light, and I am a lot less victimy than I use to be. ~giggle
Those who are willing to help themselves can make a better life.
If you are having a hard time with life, your career, your relationship, or any other aspect of being, and you want it to get better, I invite you to email me, and see what we can do. I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
Elizabeth
Subscribe to my blog by putting your email address in the box above, and you will receive updated posts. Don't forget to confirm your subscription.
I love to serve, I love to help, and I love to show people their greatest potential especially when they have never seen it. I love to bring people from crisis to calm, I love to help people overcome burnout and create happiness, energy, and vitality, and I love to assist people in discovering how to eliminate their stress with permanent stress relief.
I do not love therapists and I do not have a whole lotta confidence in the therapy process.
There are several reasons why I am not a therapist and why I am not a lover of the therapy. It all began back when I was getting my Masters in Counseling at the Uni. As I was completing my Masters Program, I was lucky enough to participate in an internship at the Counseling Center at the Uni, and this is what I discovered...
Most people who go to counseling, in my experience, do not want to help themselves. There are about one in ten that will not take the victim stance and really focus on improving their situation. That is only 10%. In addition, I believe with all my heart and soul, that people who go to Counseling are having a hard time with life because they just never learned how to handle the stress of life. No one taught them how to relieve their stress, and so they get in a place of trouble.
About the victim stance. What I mean by this is, when someone is having a hard time with life but won't look at themselves and their personal challenges. They tend to blame others and life for their misfortune. They sometimes get so caught up in their anger, anxiety, and/or depression they cannot, and will not believe they can do anything about it because they believe it is the fault of others, and the faulty world they live in.
Another reason for my reasons is most students who want to become Therapists are really unsound themselves. It is my humble opinion, and experience, that the students that I knew in school had their own issues to deal with, were still quite adolescent, and usually didn't like themselves or their clients. How can you help your clients if you are troubled and you don't even like your clients?
Another reason for my reasons is, most teachers that are teaching people to be Therapists are dubious and perplexed. Now this again is only my opinion. The sad part about all of this is I use to look up to Professors and thought they were brilliant until I really got to know some of mine during my Masters. OUCH! Harsh, I know.
Another reason, most Therapists are unbalanced. Again, my opinion. As a student in the Counseling Program, I had to participate in my own counseling for 30 hours. Lord have mercy, it was not an easy task to find one that didn't have issues. The really good ones, that were referred, were all booked up, and weren't available for the entire year.
Searching for my own therapist took about thirteen tries. When I would call the Therapist to make an appointment, I had certain questions that I would ask to make sure they would meet my criteria. The majority of them got offended or became arrogant like, "How dare you ask me that." Crazy, huh?
To me, arrogance is ignorance, and getting offended when someone asks you a question is quite adolescent. It is totally appropriate and professional to ask questions, it is called communicating.
One last thing. The Uni neglected to tell me, and I failed to find out, that a Therapist makes thousands of dollars less than I was already making. All though this is a disappointment, totally my fault, money is not the factor in my decision on helping people, it is a good side note though.
Now, I am not a Therapist just because of the lack of money, I am not a Therapist mostly because I really want to serve and I really want to help people. If people who come to therapy need ways to relieve stress but don't really want help, I don't see how I can accomplish my mission. When I am financially strapped, I don't necessarily see how I can progress and help others either.
This is all my choice, and my opinion. No offense to the good Therapists out there. You know who you are.
MY DISCLAIMER... I do believe that there are good therapists out there, and I do believe that therapy can help, it's just not for me, and the above statement is just me utilizing my freedom of expression of my opinion.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to know a lot about me and because what I do is not therapy, it is education.
Moreover, maybe you need help with your situation and I want you to see, if you are having a hard time with life, it may just be that you haven't mastered the art of stress relief. When you are in the Emergency Field, you can see things that are so abnormally out of the ordinary, your mind may have a very difficult time dealing with, and enduring it.
Additionally, many people who come to me for help take the victim stance, in that they believe that they cannot do anything about their situation because of others' behaviors, and how horrible life is. If that is true for you, you must know, there are thousands of people that I know of, and probably millions out there, who are doing business with some serious stress and are learning to destress themselves by looking at their own thoughts, feelings, and actions and trading them for more successful ones.
Their are a couple of people that call or text me, now and again, who take the victim stance, and for the life of me, I want to help them but, like addicted individuals, you can't help someone if they won't let you. They want their external circumstances to change, and will not change themselves within. They want to call me and wallow in their misery, instead of doing something about it. They know everything, they are unwilling to listen to anyone else and their point of view, and they don't want to do anything for their self-improvement.
Sounds like I am complaining. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not but, what I say is all true, in my opinion ;0) Being the victim is not bad, it is quite normal, because we all do it, just some do it more than others. We all do the victim dance in certain circumstances. I am like that on certain things, and I was one of the worst victims in my past. Some how, some way, I saw the light, and I am a lot less victimy than I use to be. ~giggle
Those who are willing to help themselves can make a better life.
If you are having a hard time with life, your career, your relationship, or any other aspect of being, and you want it to get better, I invite you to email me, and see what we can do. I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I can.
elizabethstanfill@gmail.com
Elizabeth
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